SwamiTommy: Your Horoscope Today

The troubled economy might have you thinking about playing the market by finding stock bargains and turning a quick proft. Why don't you just give me your money and let me lose it for you? It's an auspicious time for learning the Dewey Decimal System and corroborating evidence. Maybe you'te thinking of cleansing your body of toxins by attaching those Japanese things that you stick on your feet before you go to sleep and they turn black and gooey by the time you wake up. They'll do the same thing if you put them in a microwave. Don't ask me how I know this.