Swami Tommy: Your Horoscope Today

The Sun had another layoff, and the Mercury went online only -- futher indication of the overall decline in the astronomy industry. The Star-telegram has an appropriate name. Telegrams are even more outmoded means of communication than rolled up newspapers thrown in peoples' front yards. It's going to all be over one day, and people will have to get the predictions of their daily lives on Google. Lots of luck, assholes.